Keeping Your Black Car Looking Mint Without Going Mad

Never, ever wash a black car in direct sunlight. The water will evaporate before you can move your arm, leaving behind mineral spots that are a nightmare to remove. If you don't have a carport, wait until the arvo when the sun's low.

Put your hand on the bonnet. If it feels hot, wait. You want the panels cool enough that you could comfortably rest your face on them (though maybe don't actually do that, your neighbours will talk).

Always do your wheels first. They're the dirtiest part of the car. If you do them last, you'll spray grime back onto your clean paint.

Blat the car down with a pressure washer. Your goal is to get 80% of the loose grit and dust off without touching the car. If you've just come back from a trip out west, spend extra time here getting that red dust out of the window seals.

Chuck a thick layer of snow foam over the whole car. Let it sit for 5 minutes. This softens the Aussie bugs and bat droppings so they slide off rather than scratch.

One bucket with soapy water, one with clean water to rinse your mitt. Start from the roof and work down. Use zero pressure, just let the weight of the mitt do the work.

After every half-panel, flip your mitt. After every full panel, rinse it in the clean water bucket. A customer once brought me a black Merc they'd washed with a dirty rag, the whole side looked like it had been cleaned with sandpaper. Don't be that guy.

Give it a thorough rinse. I like to take the nozzle off the hose for a final 'sheeting' rinse. The water should just fall off the car in sheets.

If the paint feels rough, use an iron remover. It'll bleed purple as it eats the metallic fallout from your brakes and industrial areas.

This is my secret weapon. While the car is still wet, mist a bit of quick detailer or a 'wet coat' sealant over the panels. It provides lubrication for your drying towel so you don't induce swirls.

Don't scrub with the towel. Lay the big microfibre over the panel and pat it down, or slowly pull it towards you. On black paint, less friction is always better.

Apply your sealant. In March, with Autumn sun still being brutal, you want something with high UV resistance. I reckon a good ceramic-based spray is the go-to for most people.

Don't forget these. Open the doors and wipe the sills. Nothing ruins a black car like opening the door and seeing a line of white salt spray or red dirt on the inside.

Apply a water-based tyre shine. Avoid the greasy silicone stuff from the servo; it'll just flick up onto your clean black paint the moment you drive off.